Happy New Year, Sorry I haven't been putting much out lately I got well and truly caught up in the madness of Birthdays and Christmas. I also manage a support group for people who suffer with anxiety disorders and depression and the festive season can be quiet hard for a lot of people but more so if you are struggling with mental illness.
My first book for review this year actually took me by surprise. I'm not one for self help/change your life by doing a), b) and c) books or biography's. The Art Of Asking is all those things and none of those things and so much more than any of those things.
The Art Of Asking is about Amanda's life but it is more focused on the message its trying to convey as apposed to cramming in every little detail about her life. Unlike a bio it has a point its not just a chronicle of events as such its more about her conveying a point by giving examples of what she means by using her own experience.
Its not telling you to do a),b) and c) in order to cure all your woes in life but it will make you think and maybe want to change certain aspects of your thinking on certain things.
Amanda Palmer is a well know musician probably most known for The Dresden Dolls, a punk/cabaret band. You do not have to be familiar with Amanda or her music to enjoy this book. I wasn't, I have heard of the Dresden Dolls and Amanda Palmer but I have never heard any of their music. Amanda is also famous for running the most successful music kickstarter in order to put an album out. It hit well over a million dollars at the time (2012) and its significant as it was the first time it was ever successfully done showing that musicians didn't necessarily require or need a label in order to put their work out there.
The book explores exactly what the title says, The Art Of Asking. Amanda questions why so many of us are afraid to ask for help or to accept help when it is offered. She uses her experiences as a living statue and a musician to explore this. One of the most interesting things she writes about in the book is a little known fact about Henry David Thoreau famous author of Walden. Walden details Thoreau's experiences over the course of two years, two months, and two days in a cabin he built near Walden Pond. The book compresses the time into a single calendar year and uses passages of four seasons to symbolize human development. The book is in part about self reliance. So when I read the following extract I was blown away.
"Thoreau wrote in painstaking detail about how he chose to remove himself from society to live “by his own means” in a little 10-foot x 15-foot hand-hewn cabin on the side of a pond. What he left out of Walden, though, was the fact that the land he built on was borrowed from his wealthy neighbour, that his pal Ralph Waldo Emerson had him over for dinner all the time, and that every Sunday, Thoreau’s mother and sister brought over a basket of freshly-baked goods for him, including donuts.
The idea of Thoreau gazing thoughtfully over the expanse of transcendental Walden Pond, a bluebird alighting onto his threadbare shoe, all the while eating donuts that his mom brought him just doesn’t jibe with most people’s picture of him of a self-reliant, noble, marrow-sucking back-to-the-woods folk-hero."
I can safely say that if Walden wrote that book now and this fact was to be revealed today he would be seen as a fraud and his work would lose all credibility. Palmer goes on to write and excuse the language ...
"Taking the donuts is hard for a lot of people.
It’s not the act of taking that’s so difficult, it’s more the fear of what other people are going to think when they see us slaving away at our manuscript about the pure transcendence of nature and the importance of self-reliance and simplicity. While munching on someone else’s donut.
Maybe it comes back to that same old issue: we just can’t see what we do as important enough to merit the help, the love.
Try to picture getting angry at Einstein devouring a donut brought to him by his assistant, while he sat slaving on the theory of relativity. Try to picture getting angry at Florence Nightingale for snacking on a donut while taking a break from tirelessly helping the sick.
To the artists, creators, scientists, non-profit-runners, librarians, strange-thinkers, start-uppers and inventors, to all people everywhere who are afraid to accept the help, in whatever form it’s appearing,
Please, take the donuts.
To the guy in my opening band who was too ashamed to go out into the crowd and accept money for his band,
Take the donuts.
To the girl who spent her twenties as a street performer and stripper living on less than $700 a month who went on to marry a best-selling author who she loves, unquestioningly, but even that massive love can’t break her unwillingness to accept his financial help, please….
Everybody.
Please.
Just take the fucking donuts."
Why are so many of us afraid to ask for help? I come across this everyday people to afraid to ask their loved ones for help for fear of judgement or appearing weak. This is especially true with people and mental illness. Sufferer's are often afraid to come forward and say "I need help, I'm not okay". It's awful but society still views mental illness with stigma.
These people are just like you or me they have just become ill. Many famous figure's throughout history suffered with mental illness, Abraham Lincoln had Depression, Winston Churchill was bipolar, Edvard Munich suffered from debilitating Panic Attacks. These are successful individuals that despite their conditions achieved great things.
Most people aren't open about mental illness because they fear people will not understand. That they will be treated differently and unfortunately it is more often than not the case. Most people don't understand, most cant comprehend the difference between sadness and the difference between depression. The difference between anxiety and an anxiety disorder. Everyone feels anxious or fearful at some point, right? The sensations you feel are usually raised heartbeat or palpitation's, profuse sweating, nausea, dizziness, shortness of breath, impending sense of doom. When the thing that scares you is removed you slowly start to feel normal again right? Well imagine your fear followed you around all day relentlessly chasing you with no end in sight.That is what it feels like for someone with an anxiety disorder.
The Art Of Asking will have you exploring the difference between begging and asking. When is it okay to ask and when is it okay to take. Amanda makes some very valid point's that are worth exploring. Her lifestyle may not be for everyone and you may not have any interest in her music but the book itself is worth reading. I think we all have issues with asking for help. With giving and receiving. My own grandmother wont accept money as a present for Christmas or Birthdays. She will shove it straight back into your pocket. She will only accept a gift so we have to resort to vouchers and flowers or come up with ideas on things she needs.The same women will hand us money for Birthdays and Christmas so we can buy something we need and will refuse to take it back when we protest.
I'm guilty of not accepting "The Donuts". I was very ill last year and I was struggling with medical costs. My Dad offered me money but I refused it because I didn't want to feel like I owed anybody anything. If my daughter was in the same position I would have, like my Dad offered her the money. So why could I not take it. The only thing I can come up with is Independence, I wanted to do it for myself. I would rather struggle than take the money. By struggling through I was more stressed and so it took longer to recover and cost more in the long run. It seems so stupid to me now. Next time, I will take "The Donuts" .
Anyway lots of rambling in this blog post but this book really got me thinking which is what a good book does. I hope you all have an amazing year and I hope 2015 is kind to you and yours.
